am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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