dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
