pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
