so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize