I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
