She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
