Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
