this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
