Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
