Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
