Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
