I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
