im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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