Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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