Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
