I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
