i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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