I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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