Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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