I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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