Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
