I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
