This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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