found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
