oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
