It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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