Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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