His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
