Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize