we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
