I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
