Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
