can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
