I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize