When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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