On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
