literally had 100 drinks last night.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
