I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize