It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
