My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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