I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
