I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
