Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
