I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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