I can text with my tongue
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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