I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize