obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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