Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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