i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
