My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize