1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
