He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
