I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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