Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
