I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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