if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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