Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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