Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
