I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
