Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
