my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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