In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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