after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
