if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
