But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
