If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
