She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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