Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
