we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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