Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize