I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
