Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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