Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
